AVS: WEEK ONE

The Final Revision

Explanation of Revision

There was not a lot of changes made in the final revision of this short script. Feedback from my peers showed that there were no formatting errors and that my script was free of the top 20 most common script errors but that was not entirely true. Through giving feedback to my peers I discovered a couple minor things I wanted to alter in my script. I saw that in some cases I was telling more than I was showing the expression of my characters. I changed the action line and scene description to show the reader the characters expression rather than to say the character had angry eyes. 

Instead of saying, 

Darren looks at her in shock.

The action line now reads,

Darren looks at her with his eyes wide.

I made the same changes to the following action line,

Rose crosses her arms and looks at him with angry eyes.

It now reads,

Rose crosses her arms and looks at him with scrunched brows and squinted eyes.

            I was also missing a physical description of Darren in his introduction to the scene. 

The original line read,

DARREN (32) grabs his wallet off the table and his keys JINGLE as he takes them off the hook.

It now reads,

DARREN (32), tall and fit, dressed in a gray sweatshirt and blue jeans, enters the kitchen. He grabs his wallet off the table and his keys JINGLE as he takes them off the hook.
These changes were made to smooth the flow of the story and to give a visual point of reference to the readers so that the actions of the characters are more clear in the context of the story.